Entry Six: It’s Not a Hoop, It’s a Ride

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What it is I worry.



I worry that he won’t believe in my dreams. ๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜” Won’t think they’re plausible. Feasible. Whatever…๐Ÿ˜‘๐Ÿ˜’

Big๐Ÿ—Bear๐ŸŒต๐ŸŒŸ is all about the financial precision. Those “hoops” he jumps through are the metaphorical hoops of businessmen. The people who actually get shit done, everything is in talk of numbers. ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿค”๐Ÿค”๐Ÿค‘๐Ÿค‘ The small magic of the world I believe in, what makes me kooky ๐ŸŒš๐ŸŒž๐Ÿ”ฎ๐Ÿบ I don’t believe Big๐Ÿ—Bear๐ŸŒต๐ŸŒŸ finds rationality in it. What use is that trait to him? I told him today that I am all those things that he isn’t.

I feel that all qualities he hasn’t, he doesn’t mind because they aren’t crucial or necessary in a game of life. That’s not the tools that make you win. โŒ›๏ธโŒ›๏ธ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ†
That’s my take on it.

That’s what I think he means by “jumping through the hoops of life.” He’s cutthroat. To the point. I am not that way. If I have a point to get across, most times yes, I’m to the point. โ˜๐Ÿผ๏ธโ˜๐ŸผBut on a larger scale, my approach on life doesn’t have that soldierly structure like his. He’s a man. And he’s good at being one. ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿผ

He has a tendency to lecture. To give authoritative instruction, whether intended for wisdom or advice. He’s bossy. I suppose I am as well, but I doubt I’ve ever made him feel like he should question his whole life approach, and maybe he should. I feel as if he would think my life is a silly amateur facade that’s sure to not make any real such uprising. ๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜” I don’t want to be insecure, and I know that’s a lie because I know I’ll make it. I may not know how to exactly answer your questions on my dreams or plan on life, but I haven’t done anything but become better. Do better. I am not organized like he is, my thought processes aren’t as fine tuned as his are on money and that road to success.

Don’t get me wrong I have a plan, things I will see accomplished, but I suppose I’m not comfortable enough to share those with him, to brainstorm. ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿค” suppose I feel judged. Whether he is or isn’t,  those eyes are constantly measuring ๐Ÿ“๐Ÿ“๐Ÿ“I don’t want to one day be scolded, like so often his friends. ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘โ˜๐Ÿผ๏ธโ˜๐Ÿผbut like do I need to be????? No. I’m Rina P. ๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿผ

I only worry… I worry he’s not going to like me in the long run.๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ˜” Those artsy “fun and games” aren’t what successful sensible people do. That I’m too kooky. ๐Ÿ˜•๐Ÿ˜• I am a goofy woman, destined to be a goofy OLD woman. ๐Ÿ‘ต๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘ต๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘ต๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘ต๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘ต๐Ÿฝ I won’t ever be different. Does he want that in his life? The woman who can reasonably see the magic in everything? The imagination that spurs the accumulation of wands, books, and art? I told him that his family must have a soft spot for artists, ๐ŸŽจ๐ŸŽญ๐ŸŽป๐ŸŽฌ  he will be the second one I know for sure has a desire for one…. He must like me. I know he does…. I’ve seen that too in his eyes. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ˜ Curious it was for ๐Ÿ—Tom๐ŸŒต๐ŸŒŸ to ask if I was happy with him.

Maybe I think too much. I want to be happy. I want to be the light in someone’s life. I want to be that woman who is the escape to his numbers, hustle & bustle.โŒš๏ธ๐Ÿ“ฑ๐Ÿ“ž๐Ÿ“ž๐Ÿ“žโ›ฝ๏ธโ›ฝ๏ธ๐Ÿ’ฒ I want to be his exotic life. ๐ŸŒท๐ŸŒท His love life. โค๏ธโค๏ธ His exciting life. His absolutely amazing life. โ›ฑ๐Ÿ—ฝ๐Ÿ•Œ I want to be part of the magic in it. ๐Ÿ”ฎ๐Ÿ”ฎ๐Ÿ”ฎ๐Ÿ”ฎ๐Ÿ”ฎโ˜๏ธโ˜๏ธ I want him in MY life. ๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜š๐Ÿ˜š๐Ÿ˜š

I want to show him the benefits to being only yourself. Empowered by your spirit. ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿป๐ŸฆBecause life is about that. Its about the beauty this world has to offer us. ๐ŸŒŽ๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒIt’s about the love you can share with someone as a partnership that’s nothing more than a solid devoted team. ๐Ÿ‘‹๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘‹๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘ฅ๐Ÿ‘ฅ I want to take some pages from his book ๐Ÿ“•and him from mine ๐Ÿ““ I want him to know that to me life isn’t a hoop, it’s a ride.

๐ŸŽข๐ŸŽข๐Ÿš€๐Ÿš€It’s a vision. We could have a wild and beautiful life if that’s what we decided, we could do some damage. โ›ต๏ธโ›ต๏ธ๐Ÿžโ›บ๏ธ๐ŸŒƒ๐ŸŽ†โ›ฐ๐Ÿ—ป๐ŸŒ‹๐ŸŒŒ ๐Ÿ„๐Ÿผ๐ŸŽฃ๐ŸŽฟ๐ŸŽฟ๐ŸŽช๐ŸŽท๐ŸŽณ๐ŸŽฐ๐ŸŽŸ I would give my all to my partner. I would take the advice he gave me as constructive. ๐Ÿ› ๐Ÿ› ๐Ÿ”ฉ๐Ÿ”ฉ I would make myself a better person by learning from him. I want him to take me under his wing as my Big๐Ÿ—Bear๐ŸŒต๐ŸŒŸ. He does make me feel safe. ๐Ÿ›กโš” No one will hurt his girl, in any way if he can help it. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜Š I want us to have the same goal as a team. Believe in me baby because I no doubt believe in you. Now that I think about it, I’m just worried… I am afraid.

Yes… He makes me happy.

I am happy with you ๐Ÿ—Big๐ŸŒตBear๐ŸŒŸ.

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2 thoughts on “Entry Six: It’s Not a Hoop, It’s a Ride

  1. Just… Crazy. The similarities I can find In your stories and in these men comparable to the men in My life. I’m connecting to it and agreeing as if you just wrote everything I have not ever been able to explain or say out loud, but have felt.

    The artsy wanderer vs. the structured emotionless robot.

    Currently binging on these posts right now. I will not sleep until I finish them all.

    I need to make sense of my thoughts and emotions and your writing justifies a lot of those ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿฝ

    So for that..
    Thank you Rina P.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank YOU mama. You aren’t alone. I love and appreciate your support, thank you so much for your comment! And thank you for being a part of my audience. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

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