Entry Seven: He Doesn’t Know

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You just need to calm down. You’re all riled up and secretly angry. I can tell! I AM YOU! πŸ‘ˆπŸ½πŸ‘ˆπŸ½πŸ‘ˆπŸ½

This guy has gotten so far under your skin it’s throwing you off. Altering your perception. He is nothing but another normal ass person with normal ass problems. Don’t put him too far up on a pedestal. He’s level ground, same as you. This guy doesn’t know any better. He’s still living in the first part of his life. There’s two halves:

Part I- Before Kids
Part II- After

It’s always so funny the way people without children scoff. πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’ They’re always scoffing you know? And I shake my head because it’s as if they don’t believe that their lives will change. They may say they do, but their Part I behavior lets me know otherwise. πŸ˜ 

Rina you have to understand that some people just aren’t on your level. Mentally. What you have is very unique in that you know how to read people’s responses and feelings. If you know you’re good at reading when someone is happy or pleased, why would you second guess yourself to know the flip side of that?

Feedback is an endless loop. πŸŒ•πŸŒ–πŸŒ—πŸŒ˜πŸŒ‘πŸŒ’πŸŒ“πŸŒ”πŸŒ•πŸŒ–πŸŒ—πŸŒ˜πŸŒ‘πŸŒ’πŸŒ“πŸŒ”πŸŒ• A cycle that will continuously flow, not because it’s nurtured or helped along, but because feedback is the base model of life. You can’t avoid receiving some sort of feedback. Good or bad.

If you’re not getting any feedback,  you “don’t know what’s going on”? No, ☝🏽️☝🏽 you DO know what’s going on. That means you’re receiving bad feedback; it is feedback nonetheless. So consider giving some. Dish it out. Don’t be afraid to make a point known. You’re so concerned about making sure “good feedback” gets across; complete the yin and yang by giving some bad.

Some people expect families to form because of knowing the role they play in it. You’re the mother of 3 kids. You’re the bread maker. You’re the idiot uncle. You’re the overachieving son. Somebody is always something. It doesn’t work that way anymore. Those families aren’t conformed into that stereotype until many years have overlapped. You’re fooling yourself if you think you’ve considered and thought about having a family with someone. And I suppose I’m telling BigπŸ—Bear🌡🌟.

Our conversation informs me that he doesn’t know any better. I do not have an interest in making “another friend”. Some guy I fucked for a little bit and became best friends with. I’ve GOT friends. I don’t have the time for it. IF you’re serious with me, I WANT to have the time for it. Do you see how busy I am? Do you know the things that I was before I met you? I morph a lot of my schedule for him, and I’ve only known the guy 3 months! Why have we swapped keys?? Why? Cause he always needs in the house huh? Fuck no. He has no clue.

He’s dishing out a lot of actions that he doesn’t have the readiness for. Cumming in me?! 😨😨😨😨 What was he thinking? That bit of knowledge fucked me up for an entire day! I don’t even know how I feel. I feel like I narrowly escaped something that could snowball into resentment. Just thinking about it makes the blood at the bottom of my heart start to boil. How angry I could have been, not because of a baby, but because our hodgepodge relationship would result in the mental triggers of emotions I recall. I have never known myself in those levels of anger and rage. πŸ˜–πŸ˜–πŸ˜–

Imagine dealing with that, with a man who has no fucking clue but thinks he does.πŸ˜‘

…..

He’s got some work to do, and I’ve got some life to live. Put it on paper, I don’t have time for πŸ—Big🌡Bear🌟, but I make it. He is timid and quiet sometimes when he suggests things to me because he doesn’t know where we stand. He doesn’t know how I feel about him. It’s true. πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘ We don’t know and we can’t know because we’ve never had that conversation.

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